When you decide to undertake a PhD, there is an awareness of the challenges that will come with it. A research project that is likely to take at least four years to complete (emphasis on the “at least”) requires you to dive deep into your topic, learning about who you are as both a researcher and person. There are also certain academic requirements that you’re expected to meet – and the confirmation presentation, where you present the plans for your research to a room full of people, is one of those.
The confirmation is set for a year into the PhD, with the expectation that you will have a clear(ish) idea of what it is that you are looking to do. The year leading up to my confirmation was an immersive journey into my own life – a journey guided by wairua. Wairua is at the centre of both my life and PhD, and it is wairua that has guided me every step of the way to where I am now. When I first started this journey, I was so sure of what it is I wanted to do, but wairua quickly showed me that there was a very different pathway that I was meant to walk. The feedback that I received for my initial research proposal pushed me to question everything I thought was the “right” way to do research. To challenge the assumptions of knowledge and academia that comes along with being immersed within a system of education that places the WEIRD (Western Educated Industrialised Rich and Democratic) at the very centre. This led me to take a journey beyond academia. A journey that took me home, both to my whenua, and to myself.
A year into my journey and I had travelled around the country, seeking out healing in the form of mirimiri, romiromi and honohono, and connecting with people who have been and continue to be central to both my life and PhD journey. Throughout this year of experiences, I came to realise the importance and power of stories in communicating and reaching the hearts of people to create change. When it came to preparing for my confirmation, it was this that needed to be encompassed within the presentation. I knew that I needed to tell a story to communicate the essence, the heart of what it is that I am looking to do in my research. That I needed to be as true as I could be to the person that I had become over a year of healing. The confirmation then became a purposeful and meaningful way to tell my story. To bring those who came to watch into my world, into my journey, in some way. To share a vision, a purpose, and a heart, even if it was only for a short amount of time.
PHD Candidate - Massey University
Te Arawa, Ngāti Tūwharetoa
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